Something Beautiful

Every year I pray and ask the Lord to reveal a word to me that He wants me to focus on. Every year, for some reason, I’m always surprised at what the word is and what I learn from it. Often, I think I know what God wants to show me or teach me through that word, but I’m always way off.

Last year my word was anew. According to the dictionary, anew means “in a new or different and typically more positive way”, “once more; again”. It can also be read as “afresh” or “once again”.

A lot of things were made anew for me in 2022. The Lord taught me SO much in the past year, a lot of that being regarding letting go and trusting His plan. As I was praying about what word he wanted me to reflect on for this year, release popped up.

Release, “allow or enable to escape from confinement; set free”, “allow something to move, act, or flow freely”, “the action or process of releasing or being released”.

As I was talking to the Lord about this word, fear started to come into my heart. I know that this word isn’t going to be easy to live out, but I also know the more I release to Him, the more in awe of Him I will be. 

What is fear? You can go many different directions with that, but according to dictionary.com, fear is: “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.”

Fear can come in many different shapes, forms and sizes and for everyone it’s different. 

Fear of snakes.
Fear of bugs 
Fear of heights. 
Fear of love. 
Fear of rejection. 
Fear of death. 

I could go on and on about the different types of fears in life, but you get the picture. And you probably have a fear of something that I didn’t even mention.
Some of the biggest fears I’ve had in life have been fear of rejection and fear of being alone. Neither of those come from the Lord and I’ve always tried to control the fact that that wouldn’t happen. How do I know that? Because of what Deuteronomy 31:8 states in saying, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Over the years I’ve found myself becoming more fearful of these, but I also realized my trust in the Lord was starting to be depleted. I thought I was trusting, but as my counselor put it, my trust was “conditional”. I had started to tell the Lord, without realizing I was doing it, what prayers He was going to answer and which ones He wasn’t. Note to self, NEVER tell God what He’s going to do and not do…. doesn’t work like that!
My counselor recently told me, “Heather, you’re trying to control your relationship with God. You’ve got to give up the “perfect picture” of what you think your life should look like, and just give it to Him and trust that He has something even better.” Hearing that jarred me and made me really look at my life and my relationship with the Lord in a whole new light. I wasn’t doing it intentionally, but she was right! I was trying to control my relationship with God. I had become so comfortable in controlling other things, that I’d done it to God too. It was a mind-blowing reality check for me. I’ve taken on a whole new attitude in regards to things in life and with my relationship with God. It’s like the Lord took off the rose colored glasses I had on, and I’m now seeing things for the first time that I’ve never seen before. It’s actually a little scary to see how much I’ve been unknowingly trying to control, but He’s working on my heart through it. 

Why am I talking about control all of a sudden? Because I fully believe fear and control go hand in hand. You become fearful of what’s happening in your life so you try to take control of the situation to make it better than it is. I get it. I’ve done it. More times than I can count. But allowing yourself to see those things and say, Ok Lord, I’m FULLY giving this to you. Take it and do with it what You already have planned and I’m going to trust that’s it’s going to be so much better than anything I could’ve done.

I’ve been reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac a lot recently. If you’re not familiar with the story, I encourage you to look it up. However, for sake of space I’ll give you the short version here… God had promised Abraham that his descendants would outnumber the stars in the sky, but for years Abraham’s wife, Sarah, could not get pregnant. When she finally did, the Lord asked Abraham to take his son Isaac and sacrifice him. 
Without questioning God, Abraham did exactly that. 
Now let me pause here and just say, if God asked me to sacrifice the only son I had after He promised me that my descendants would outnumber the stars in the sky, I would honestly think the Lord had lost His mind and question Him like crazy. But we don’t see Abraham doing that at all. Why? Because He trusted God’s plan was better and He knew God knew what He was doing. 

I recently read a devotional by Dr. Tony Evans regarding this story. In that devotional, he says this, “God will sometime ask us to sacrifice the very thing that means the most to us as a way of demonstrating the level of our love for Him. It could be a person. It might be a dream, an ambition, a hope, a home, a business, material items, a relationship, a form of entertainment, our physical well-being, or anything else. Whatever exists in our life as an “Isaac” – whatever we love the most – is often what God targets in our tests.”

To finish out the story, Isaac asks Abraham what they would be sacrificing. Abrahams response is so beautiful to me, he says, “God will provide a sheep for the burnt offering, my son.” You see, Abraham’s faith was SO deeply rooted, that He KNEW God would provide a sheep/ram for him to sacrifice. His relationship with God was so tight knit, that he knew God would keep His promise and he would not have to sacrifice his only son. But I also believe he also knew the Lord was testing him, and he knew that he had to obey no matter what. Every step Abraham took up that mountain to sacrifice Isaac, was a step of faith.

As the Lord has been taking me through a journey of healing my heart of some things, I’ve grown to love Him in ways I never even thought possible. I feel as if I’ve gotten a small glimpse of how Abraham felt when God asked him to do the unthinkable. I’m not saying I know how Abraham felt exactly, but I think the Lord has given me a glimpse of that bond between He and Abraham. He’s taken me through some hard stuff in my life but releasing my trust, fully. Completely. No strings attached. Has been one of the greatest lesson He’s taught me thus far.

Am I scared about what 2023 has in store? Yes.
Am I excited to see how God’s going to work it out because of the things He’s teaching me? Heck yes!
Am I ready for what God has in store for me in 2023? I hesitatingly say yes in this moment, but deep down in my heart I know I am because I know He’s going to be there right beside me to walk through whatever it is I need to release to Him. 

Part of that release, I believe, is the fear that has gripped me for so long. Fear of what other people think of me. Fear of not being good enough for those around me. Fear of missing out on what God may have for me. Fear of doing or saying something wrong in my job, in ministry/at church, in my relationships, etc.

Release.

That’s what He wants me to do this year. Just give it ALL to Him. Fully surrendered.

What is the Lord asking you to release to him today?

Open hands, full heart, eyes up.